Family Photo Op

So, here it is: the almost annual family photo front and center. We're in the second millenium and yet Mother Dearest insists on using those old school cameras to snap our photos with the timer that gives you barely enough time to run into the photo without looking out of breath. MD is really sweet about the whole thing and she doesn't make us wear matching sweaters but it really is a hassle. This year's photo turned out pretty good so I guess I shouldn't mind. Jason, Jonah and Zoa are actually facing the camera this time, Father and MD look so in love with Thomas in their arms and I'm actually laughing because I had camera duty this time.

MD isn't obsessed with photos as much as she loves all of us. I remember seeing a letter that had said Dana Lendry MD when I was old enough to read names. I had asked MD about it and she had told me: "Why sweetie, that MD means Mother Dearest". I learned later on that MD used to be a doctor when Jonah and Jason were young but she felt like she missed out on a lot of their lives so she chose to be a stay at home mom when I was two.

MD is an amazing mom so I don't mind when she asks that the family photo is at the front of my first scrapbook. Looking at this photo though, I wonder if her and Father's love blinded me to reality. Seriously, their love is a freaking fairly tale. I just assumed all love would be the same. Pretty stupid for someone in the second millenium, huh?

It All Starts...

I hate to sound stereotypical, but it all started because of a guy. It eventually grew to all people in general, but in the beginning it was a guy. We met in high school -- I know, I know. Typical. But what are you going to do? And it was very much one of those stories where the girl doesn't quite fit in, but then one guy says he sees something special and they go out only for it all to end incredibly messy.

I wasn't taking many photos at the time yet, but every once in a while I'll come across one of the two of us that starts up my mind and emotions in misleading ways. Because the few photos I find don't tell the whole story. Only the good times, when we happened to feel the need for an impromptu photo-op with one arm visibly extended towards the camera (usually a cell-phone) and our faces smooshed together into a small screen.

I think that's part of the reason why I make it a point to take so many now. I want to remember myself as being happy, but I want the whole story from now on, too. Finding one photo of us rosy-cheeked and in love doesn't help me when it's time to remember why there was once dozens of tear-soaked notebook pages buried in my closet.

I'm going to tell my story, and it's going to be happy. Even if I have to "edit" out the people who make me feel otherwise. And so someday, when I look back, I'll only see and remember the ones that did.

Prelude

            I have a crooked smile I cannot get rid of. No matter how hard I try whenever I get excited the left side of my face seems to twist upward. Involuntarily scrunching my eyes together and furrowing my forehead. Damn, I hate when I smile.

            I fake the smiles now though, not like that is really hard lately. I make sure my lips look cute, lightly pressed against each other; careful not to show any teeth. My cheeks are barely raised, just enough to look appealing. If I am feeling raunchy I’ll only lift one cheek in an all-knowing smirk. If I am feeling silly, maybe I’ll stick my tongue through my lips diagonally.

            The only thing I cannot seem to fake is the eyes. Every time I take a picture it always seems that I can never get the eyes quite right. I heard it somewhere -or maybe I read it- that the eyes are windows to the soul. My face may seem happy but my eyes always seem to tell a different story.           

            You see, I love taking pictures. I may not have the best camera, but pictures are my passion; with them I can tell a million stories. Every day I try to take at least one hundred pictures so I can be able to tell the story of my life. Lately, my story hasn't been looking so good. That’s really why I have been faking my smiles so much but my eyes will not lie for me. I want to be able to look back on these times and smile, not remember why I was so unhappy.